In this highlight video from a lecture on the effects of pornography on relationships, Jeff Logue, Ph.D. presents advice on how an individual can overcome a porn addiction. He states that winning the battle against a porn addiction requires honesty, commitment, accountability and sacrifice.

 

Here are four biblical principles that we can use to confront a pornography addiction.

 

1. Honesty

When dealing with a pornography addiction we must wholeheartedly admit the problem to God and our loved ones. It is important that we take full responsibility for our actions and be prepared for and welcome our significant other’s honest reaction.

Men might find this principle hard to accomplish. Men have been socially trained to be tough, have a rough exterior and hide our feelings. But when it comes to biblical masculinity and honesty, there is nothing sexier to a woman, than a man who will emotionally undress in front of her. There is nothing wrong with honesty and vulnerability. It’s a powerful tool in a marriage. If we in the church want to experience true intimacy in marriage then we have to live like Adam and Eve loved each other.

2. Commitment

There needs to be commitment to stopping your behavior as well as to praying and daily depending on God. Pornography is a drug.

Whenever we experience stress, depression, anger, boredom or any negative mood state, we reach for the drug of choice. Instead of reaching for pornography we need to reach for Christ.

We need to lean on the Holy Spirit and ask for His help. Other areas you can commit to is to professional council and to demonstrating to your spouse that he or she means more to you than your addiction. Lastly, we need to commit to receiving the grace of our Savior readily.

3. Accountability

When battling a pornography addiction, it is important to follow through with your commitments and seek accountability from trusted friends. Ladies, this is why you have to find out who he is hanging with. Guys, you need to understand whom she is hanging out with. Who is your accountability partner?

4. Sacrifice

Lastly, prove your love through both words and actions. Allow healing to occur on his or her terms. This is the hardest step I see when I counsel couples struggling with a pornography addiction. The first thing the guy wants to do is say, “Okay, I’ll stop using porn. No big deal.” He wants to go on with the rest of his life without being willing to be honest or emotionally undress. Then the woman feels that she has to play catch up with him. Healing has to occur on her terms and the same goes for the ladies who are using erotica; healing has to occur on his terms. Allow healing to occur and work daily to empathize to your significant other’s situation. Understand that forgiveness might not always include reconciliation, but we need to purse it anyway. It might be that you deserve better, and this relationship might not last. We need to pursue reconciliation, but know that it might not be possible.

Conclusion

I want to conclude by talking to the ladies. A woman must understand that she cannot stop her husband, boyfriend or loved one from using porn. She can encourage growth, repentance and transformation, but he MUST be the one who makes the choice. He has to decide what is more important, porn or his relationship.

The only person we can change is ourselves.

For many women this is a hard concept, often culture portrays women as loving nurturers who’s desire is to help those who are struggling. We need to change this perception. I am not saying that women have to stop nurturing or caring about those that they love. However, the way this is often perverted into glorifying a women’s desire to fix others, particularly men, is unhealthy. It’s an error that we have to confront as the church. We should challenge women to center inwardly and work on strengthening themselves and on seeing themselves as Jesus does.

If someone you love is struggling with pornography it’s important to not lose yourself in the process. You need to prayerfully consider your role, whether it is giving tough ultimatums or gentle support. Each situation is different, but the commonality is that pornography is universally destructive. Don’t settle for a relationship where you cannot trust the man you love. Choose a relationship where you will be treated the way Jesus wants you to be treated. Ultimately the norms of male domination expressed through pornography are the opposite of authentic masculinity.

Pornography imprisons women in the grasp of insecure and dominant men. I am challenging every man who reads this to stand up for women next to you and condemn the ones that are using pornography.

What are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comment section below.

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