In this highlight video from a lecture on the effects of pornography on relationships, Jeff Logue, Ph.D. shares advice on best practices to employ when confronting someone about a porn addiction.


How do you talk to a man about a porn problem? While these principles can be applied to women who use pornography as well, for this article I want to talk specifically on how it relates to men. I must stress first that how you bring this topic up, is very important.

First, I would like to encourage women to avoid an attitude of suspicion. Men have a tough masculine exterior, but under that we have something vulnerable, and that is our ego. If we feel like we are being attacked, it can change how we interact with you. So I want to encourage you to avoid an attitude of suspicion.

Pornography is a problem; it’s an epidemic that many men fight against.

I would go so far to say that almost every man has struggled with pornography and every man has probably viewed it. If you watch television during prime time on a mainstream channel you have been exposed to softer pornography, or erotica. But that does not mean, however, that it is a problem for the man you might potentially marry. Love demands that we think the best of each other until we have a reason to believe otherwise. Believing the best of your boyfriend means that you will not accuse him, but move toward him with love, care and concern on how he is protecting himself from the availability of porn. Guys, if you are concerned that your girl is getting wrapped up in erotica, you can apply these principles to her.

As a young woman considers marriage to a man who is a believer, it is completely appropriate to ask caring questions about what they are doing to protect themselves against such a considerable threat.

You should ask your significant other, who is in his or her life that is helping them with the issues of lust, pornography or erotica. You should ask them, what technology they use to monitor and block those forms of pornography.

If they do not have a person who is doing this, or they are not protecting the equipment they use, then you should request that they do so. If you know that your man or woman are taking measures to protect themselves from pornography, then that should be very affirming to you. You do not have to be their accountability partner and examine their Internet history; enable others to do this. I often discourage a husband or wife to be their accountability partner. A man or woman who refuses to do these things has told you all you need to know about their commitment to purity.

In the pornographic culture we live in fewer and fewer women will find it possible to find a young man who has not had some exposure to at least some pornography. In such a world, a woman looking for a man who has never looked at pornography or does not consider it a temptation is going to be disappointed. This reality does not mean, however that godly women should settle for a man who has an ongoing struggle with pornography. Instead, what she should look for is a guy who is honest about his struggle, one who is seeking to get ahead of the problem with various kinds of accountability, who has a track record of victory and is passionate about growing in purity. So have that conversation with your significant other. If you love and care about them, have that conversation.

What are your thoughts on this? Let us know your thoughts by commenting below.

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